Remembering To Play On The Journey

I want to delight in your childhood,

Not only scowl at your deeds.

To inspire who you are becoming, 

Not just supply for your needs.

I want to join you in play, 

Not only to cook and to clean. 

Because of this fun will soon slip away.

Jeanine Quigley

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October 15th

 October 15th.

It is the day we remember our babies...

I remember the ones we never got to hold...my three tiny tummy babies. 

I also remember how long I suffered in silence... I didn't tell but a handful of people for years. I tried to hide the shame that was never mine to hold. I smiled, laughed, and made jokes, I was funny. I didn't want the world to find out what I knew...that my body was broken; that I wasn't woman enough to keep a baby alive. 

As a Christian I would sit and worship and smile at baby dedication and Mother's Day. I couldn't let others see that my faith was shaken. I didn't want them to know that when I would bow my head the images of laying on the bathroom floor crying out to God to save my baby would flash through my mind...

That I was angry.  That I was jealous.. That I was alone.  That I was wrong. 

When we decided to adopt...people felt that it was perfectly fine to ask. It wasn't.  Then again at the same time I was tired of dodging questions... 

So I just blurted it all out. ~ The heavens didn't fall. 

Some people were shocked, some hurt that I didn't tell them, but they adjusted. The sweetest was friends and family that opened up...they were hiding their pain as well a few found their way through the pain and the shame and were open, they gave voice to their loss. They were free. 

I have a happy life! I have a gorgeous husband that loves me, and 3 beautiful daughters. I have more blessing that I can count. Taking a minute or a day to remember doesn't take away from all of that.... It doesn't make one ungrateful, just thoughtful. 

So on this day... Love. Hope. Remember. 

Pumpkins, Goats, and Hayrides, Oh My!!

We love Pumpkins!!! 

...and goats! 

 We paint our pumpkins!!! 

 ..and give them glitter! 

Most of all we love our family!!!! So happy they came along!!!

A Prayer From A Hearing Mother

Will she know you, God? Will she REALLY know you? 

A blessing at mealtime is just a ritual...does she even know we are talking to you? 

How do I teach her about You? How do explain you, Lord? 

She is going to need you... She is going to need a Friend that is closer than a brother when friends are unkind and a Heavenly Father when the world just seems too much... 

She cant hear her mother pray. How will she learn to talk to you? What do I do, Father? Do I bow my head in reverence so she learns meekness or make a show of my prayers knowing my little girl is watching? Guide me, oh God...

How do I share my faith when my own faith is so weak at times? Much less, how do I explain it so she will understand? 


I love her so much. How do I show her that You love her too? 

Dollies, Hearing Aids, and Puff Paint~Oh My!

So our middle daughter is doing great!!! She is loving her 3yr class for the deaf and is picking up a lot of new signs!!! We love her teachers!

 We also went as a Deaf Awareness Day at the Zoo and have made some new friends and had an awesome playdate! I am looking forward to many more! :)

Big thanks so Nonnie, Papa, Auntie, Uncle, & Cousins for going with us and making the day at the zoo so much more special! 

 Our bubbly little girl is also going to get her hearing aids in about 2 weeks which she hasn't had for a few months...long story! Grrr...anyway.

 I am somewhat worried that she is going to have a hard time adjusting so I got out the old puff paint and got her dollies some hearing aids! 

I am hoping it will help, but if not it sure is cute!! 

Umm...I may need someone to come wrestle the puff paint out of my hand?!? :D

Alien Food for Dinner??..

Hello, my name is.....and I'm a Pinterestoholic. If you are on Pinterest I know you have seen these little beauties, but I still just had to share what we call Alien pasta!!! *Cue the sci-fi music!*

This was so fun and great for kids that are still working on their fine motor skills!!! 

Come on...what kid wouldn't love this?? Kinda looks like playdough to me...also not very healthy, but way fun!!! I guess I could add a side of peas, urr ummm alien power balls! 

Now the only question is ketchup or pasta sauce? 

We Remember Along The Journey...

I remember 9-11 as a day my world got a lot bigger and less safe... I lived a lot of my life in a bubble. I was very sheltered and happy growing up. My mom was a home maker and was sick a lot so I took on her work as well as taking care of her for much of my young life and this was just the way it was...in my small happy bubble with my family, work, and my dog.

So when it was time to go off to college I saw this as MY TIME! Even though I attended a Christian college, and wanted to live a life in service to others I was having the time of my life!!! There was no one to take care of, but myself and I loved it!!!!! I was young & free and honestly still lived in a very small world.

Then the day I will never forget came...9-11.

I was sitting in class as a senior in college daydreaming when one of the students came in with the news and we were told to assemble in the gym for a time of prayer and instructions.
 I knew so little about the World Trade Center...honestly I don't even think I knew it was in New York. I just knew people were hurt and that I should offer prayers for the families...

I remember the looks of fear on the faces of the instructors...

It wasn't till I got to work and saw on the monitor what the rest of the world had seen....what the radio was going on and on about. I saw that for once in my life how big the world really was and how at any moment everything could be taken away. At that moment I knew fear...anger for my country. I knew pride in my fellow Americans. My world had grown...and I had grown in it.

      We remember.      We hope.      We pray.