Friday, October 19, 2012

Remembering To Play On The Journey

I want to delight in your childhood,
Not only scowl at your deeds.
To inspire who you are becoming, 
Not just supply for your needs.
I want to join you in play, 
Not only to cook and to clean. 
Because of this fun will soon slip away.
Jeanine Quigley


Monday, October 15, 2012

October 15th

 October 15th.

It is the day we remember our babies...
I remember the ones we never got to three tiny tummy babies. 

I also remember how long I suffered in silence... I didn't tell but a handful of people for years. I tried to hide the shame that was never mine to hold. I smiled, laughed, and made jokes, I was funny. I didn't want the world to find out what I knew...that my body was broken; that I wasn't woman enough to keep a baby alive. 

As a Christian I would sit and worship and smile at baby dedication and Mother's Day. I couldn't let others see that my faith was shaken. I didn't want them to know that when I would bow my head the images of laying on the bathroom floor crying out to God to save my baby would flash through my mind...
That I was angry.  That I was jealous.. That I was alone.  That I was wrong. 

When we decided to adopt...people felt that it was perfectly fine to ask. It wasn't.  Then again at the same time I was tired of dodging questions... 
So I just blurted it all out. ~ The heavens didn't fall. 
Some people were shocked, some hurt that I didn't tell them, but they adjusted. The sweetest was friends and family that opened up...they were hiding their pain as well a few found their way through the pain and the shame and were open, they gave voice to their loss. They were free. 

I have a happy life! I have a gorgeous husband that loves me, and 3 beautiful daughters. I have more blessing that I can count. Taking a minute or a day to remember doesn't take away from all of that.... It doesn't make one ungrateful, just thoughtful. 

So on this day... Love. Hope. Remember. 

Saturday, October 13, 2012

Pumpkins, Goats, and Hayrides, Oh My!!

We love Pumpkins!!! 

...and goats! 

 We paint our pumpkins!!! 

 ..and give them glitter! 

Most of all we love our family!!!! So happy they came along!!!

Friday, October 5, 2012

A Prayer From A Hearing Mother

Will she know you, God? Will she REALLY know you? 

A blessing at mealtime is just a ritual...does she even know we are talking to you? 

How do I teach her about You? How do explain you, Lord? 

She is going to need you... She is going to need a Friend that is closer than a brother when friends are unkind and a Heavenly Father when the world just seems too much... 

She cant hear her mother pray. How will she learn to talk to you? What do I do, Father? Do I bow my head in reverence so she learns meekness or make a show of my prayers knowing my little girl is watching? Guide me, oh God...

How do I share my faith when my own faith is so weak at times? Much less, how do I explain it so she will understand? 

I love her so much. How do I show her that You love her too?