Exercise~ from Punishment to Pleasure

So this is going to a very honest and open post....  I don't write it as a pity party or as an excuse, but in the sheer hopes that it might helps someone. ~You never know, right?!?

So I have always hated exercising...always! I hate it for so many reasons other than it makes me tired and sweaty....
I have always viewed it as punishment in the back of my mind... because many times in my young life, it was.

I remember being a kid and having to run laps for forgetting my gym clothes... I had "forgotten" them in hopes of having one day that I wasn't made fun of  for my size; well, that wasn't my best idea! I remember one particular day I had done something wrong(can't remember what) and I to do squats for like 20 minutes and the PE teacher had a high school student watch me do them as he sat on the bleachers...that young man taunted and ridiculed me the entire time. There I was being called every horrible name imaginable.. head bowed in shame as he talked about every disgusting part of my body while my legs slowly turned to jello with one squat after another... Even as a child I understood that I deserved to be punished.

Exercise as I got older, turned into a punishment to myself... Just as a child hearing "earthquake" every time I would jump-rope. I mentally gathered all of the taunting and turn it on myself... I would quote silent mantras of self hatred as I walked.. I was spiraling.. No one knew... I was the girl with the biggest smile, and just as I had learned to do as a child~ I did my crying in secret...

As an adult it was much of the same... I was ashamed to workout in public~ I mean, come on I'm not going to be one of those people on Youtube!?! Ummm, no!
The few times I did workout it was much of the same..."You are bad! You are disgusting! You did this(get really fat) to yourself and now you must take your punishment! You deserve this...don't whine, you did this to yourself." On it would go...
Watching movies on the couch seemed to silence it. So that's what I did... for years.

Then there came the day about a year and a half a go.... I felt so toxic. I had, had multiple miscarriages for which I blamed myself. In all honesty, my heath play a huge factor in the loss of those precious souls. My health was suffering.. I had become a mother through the beauty of adoption and I was so scared that my daughters would follow my path.
 I decided to change.. Even if I failed.. I would start again.. This time, I would change from within...

I started with water... lot's of water. I then moved to diet... little changes. I started respecting myself.
 Then, when I was ready to start working out... I only did workouts I liked! This was FOR me not TO me..  I played music loud enough that I couldn't hear the voices in my head. I thought of my health..not the scale or even my looks, I mean those are nice, but health is better!

Slowly, very slowly... I started losing weight.

I started enjoying exercise as "my time!"

My girls saw the change and started enjoying exercise.. They loved working out with mama! They loved walking to the park~ sometimes even choosing to walk with me instead of playing... They would tell daddy "we worked out!" as their little faces beamed with pride~ they were my cheerleaders!

I'm not sure when it happened, but exercise has changed. It had slowly turned from punishment to pleasure...

Yeah, I still have bad days. I have times when I don't really want to workout, but when I do, I truly enjoy it! I have a really long way to go... I have a lot more weight to loose..but I will.

Heading out for a walk at the park..  

Walking to the park......      Red Faced! Puffy! Sweating! Loving it!!! 

Photo Credit~ My awesome 7 year old photographer! 

 ~One day, one step, one meal, one minute at a time I will find pleasure and learn joy along the journey.

I'm back...

Hey guys!
   Sooo after a computer issue...I'm finally back!
I have some randomness coming your way...
<3

I hope everyone reading this had a wonderful Valentine's Day!!!

I know I sure did!!!!! Our church put on an amazing Marriage Seminar... It was AWESOME!!!

We learned a few new things, and laughed & learned a lot during our homework~

I think one of the most beautiful sights was seeing not only my most respected Pastor and his beautiful wife in the classes but seeing so many people; young and starting off their married life, and our elders that have been married for the longest time.
They were enriching and protecting what they hold so dear... and it blessed my heart!

I love my husband and I respect him more than he will ever know...

                                                                       Better yet? He loves me back!!! 

Homeschool Valentine's Day Party

So one of my daughters complaints about homeschooling (which are few, thankfully!) is the lack of parties....

Well, I can fix that!!! Why didn't I think of this before?!? Hmmm...

So I got together with my best friend/SIL/Partner in Crime that's also a homeschooling mama and we planned a party...

Nothing too crazy just a few mama friends and their little ones and we had a blast!!!

We had ART!

And Food!

Some of the girls even did a puppet show for the younger ones...

Well, I guess it's easy to see why I haven't heard any more complaints from my big girl... She's too busy making new friends and having fun!!!

Huge thanks to all of the mamas that brought your kids (and yummy snacks) to the party!  <3

Homeschoolers LOVE Valentines!

To start off the Month of Love our Homeschooling Group decided to start a Valentine-Chain-Mail of AWESOMENESS!

 The kids either made or bought Valentines, practiced writing their address on the envelopes, learned about mail, sent them off, and in return had a month of hearts and cards mailed back to them from all over the country!!!!! It was so fun!!!

My girls loved it and learned a lot!!!! ~ Even my 4 year old can explain how the mail works...she can even tell you where you can buy stamps! ;)

I love teaching my girls about life all with their academics, but most of all about LOVE!

The Shocking Along The Journey!

So I had a weird shopping moment, shocking right?!?  :)~ 

Anyway, I was kinda tired...daddy had the older two with him as he went to pick up an item...

So was kind of mindlessly wondering through the store....looking at one of the high shelves as I moved my cart haphazardly into the isle...blocking a young man's way. I became quickly aware as he sighed loudly and looked quite agitated... 

I smiled~ obviously  embarrassed, and said "I was so sorry" as I moved my cart back over.. 

Well, this young man grabbed his private parts in a male-dominating manner, cocked his head to the side as he strolled by (still thrusting himself~ I might add! Yeah, I was mortified!) saying "I'm sorry *Hmmph* I like that!! That's what I'm talking about.."

I was a little shocked! 
This wasn't the response I expected, but it got me thinking... 

Was the world so unkind to the young man that he honestly thought I was being rude on purpose?  

Why was he surprised that I would apologize? 

Has the world changed so much and I missed it while raising a family? 

Why do guys...you know what I would rather not know that last one.

I guess I am thankful that my girls were not with me...well, one was, but she was sleeping in the buggy.
I know one thing, they grow up learning to treat people nicely if I have anything to say about it. 
We make mistakes...that's why we have "I'm sorry-s." 

Second of all... 
I am starting to see myself as and old lady with the embarrassment factor of a teenage girl! Well, I guess that's why I have a blog! 

Breaking The Sugar Chain

Well, here we are a week after our trip home (more of that on the in the previous post...and we getting back on the healthy track! We came home on Halloween day, and life seemed to add more sweets on us!

We took the kids out to Noni & Papas for dinner with all of their little cousins, and then let the trick-or-treat on their street so it wasn't that much candy...but still it all adds up!

So being the sneaky mama I am....I replaced all of the candy in the candy dishes with individually wrapped dried prunes! Muuaaaahhhhaaaaaaa!!! Yes, that's right, PRUNES!!!!!

One of my daughters has always had tummy trouble so I figured~ Win, WIN!!!!

We shall see how it goes, but so far 2 of my three like them...

So here is to all your mamas trying to break the sugar chain with your kids...here, have a candy!