It hit me this week right in the grocery store between the milk and the kefir, it was all I could do to stand there willing the tears not to fall, pressing the urge to run out of the store.
I was close to a panic attack and I knew it, I had to get ahead of it~
*Breath*
*Name five things in front of me*
Oh Father how many times have I been here...
*Breath*
Five items are still there...
*Breath*
Anchor of Hope! Hold on...God is right here. Hold on....it's going to be OK.
*Breath*
Coming out of it...
*Breath*
Did anyone notice??
*Wipes tears*
Hubs did, where did he come from since he was in another store??? His hand now on the small of my back... Silent, studying my face.
*Breath*
Smile, shoulders back~ it's time to finish the shopping.
Leading up to this moment was getting everyone ready for church, the stress that can come from having an ADHD kid through a service while sitting in the Deaf section near the front of a large church, the drive (constant bickering from the backseat) back to town, lunch in a restaurant, the multiple meltdowns, the stares from judgmental strangers, and the final straw was the store only having one little cart with my two little ones wanting/fighting for it! Umm, more the inconsolable screaming that resulted. It doesn't sound like much, but it was one of my special little ones that has some issues we are working through...it was a huge meltdown. I'm sure people watching, simply saw it as a kid being a brat...having no idea. This is special needs parenting.
We finished our shopping, and headed home..one last meltdown in the car from my other special little one, arm pinned behind me trying to give her compression, and now the oldest is mad at me because too much attention is going to the ones melting down.
I cry again.
This time I calmly let the tears fall as gaze out the window, happy to be far from the milk aisle.
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